Funerals & family

''Introducing me'' from Camp Rock 2 is stuck in my head. That happened just because I just saw the word ''perusing'' on a blog somewhere. Interesting.

Today was my grandmother of 83's funeral. She died on September 27th. The whole family was there. I saw my cousins for the first time in about 10 years. THAT's not cool. I mean, a family supposed to be tight-knit. A strong, solid circle of people with genetic similiarities and the same quirks and character traits. People that stick together when the going gets tough. They're supposed to be the people you run to when friends let  you down. Well, I guess the word ''supposed'' is just that: A requirement that's not always or even regularly met. Which is a pity.

Anyhow, what I actually wanted to say is that when I heard my grandmother died in the hospital after her organs gave in, I wasn't shocked or sad. I didn't cry or feel any sorrow. I guess it's because she was old, she couldn't remember a lot of things (sort of like early Alzheimers), she was a bit sickly and she had a full life. She wanted to die from about 10 years ago. And now her wish was fulfilled at long last. Don't get me wrong, I loved my ''ouma'' a lot. I spent a lot of time with her when she lived across our house in the flat on our property. We used to watch ''Days of our lives'' together and a lot of times she'd tease me, and say that when she dies, I must call her in heaven and tell her what's happening in Day's. The sad thing is, I don't even watch it anymore.

Today when my dad talked about her life, telling about how she raised 5 kids on her own and how theu struggled, how hard it was for them, his voice quivered. Now, I've NEVER seen my dad cry or hear him speak with any emotion in his voice. When I saw how deeply his mother's death affected him, something in me cracked and I started to cry. My dad, who always seems as if he doesn't feel anything, who seems like this rock-solid, couldn't care less ''boer'', showed his emotions. And it broke my heart to see my daddy that sad. On funerals where people close to me's loved ones are buried and said goodbye to, I never cry because of the dead person. I always cry because it hurts me so much to see the people I love so full of sorrow and grief. THAT makes me cry.

So yeah, guess I just wanted to share this with whoever might read this in the future, even though it might just be me...

xXx